I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
