Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
