I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
