remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
