hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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