thus making me awesome and them whores
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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