Who did Billy Mays play for?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
