Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
