So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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