My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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