Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
