I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
