Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
