the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
