just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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