Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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