Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
