My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
