Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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