Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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