Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
