Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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