he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
