I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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