I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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