I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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