they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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