ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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