So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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