I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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