you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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