Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
