just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
