All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
