Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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