He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
