i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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