I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
