I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
