But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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