Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need water and some morals
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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