I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
