i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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