im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Me too!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
