just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
