I look better un-naked...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize