She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
