This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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