Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize