What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
