Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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