WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
