My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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