you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
