You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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