The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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