You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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