I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
