Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
