I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
