hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
