So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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