that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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