just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
