I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
