trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
