dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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