Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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