Porn is love you can see.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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