I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
