I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
