Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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