you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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