If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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