i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
