I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
